27 Nov 2010
Well just been well and truly been fucked and not the fun good way I wanted.
Been chatting with a guy for ages on eHarmony. We really connected, we got on well and agreed to meet.
So I said will love to meet and where? A week passed, nothing. Another week nothing. So emailed again asking if he would still like to meet and hope he had a good halloween ect.. Another 2 weeks go by and nothing, luckily gave me a link to his website so had a look and found him on twitter. And them messaged him asking if there was a problem as to why he wasn't getting my emails and would he still like to meet?
He just replied to me and he found someone he met at a wedding the week he emailed me and is no longer looking. Just been hit by a tonne of bricks, and the only way I had to find out was via twitter and he had been stringing me along while he was working on this other girl.
But I don't know why I am upset, I have tears. I never met the guy. Never heard his voice or anything. Yet still feel like I have lost something big and it's confusing the hell out of me. I have even had a cry and I just don't know why.
Maybe this is just a shadow of my life being played again and again like a bad record yet you can't get the tune out of your head. I put myself into something and then nothing comes out of it. It is coming up to Christmas and I was so looking forward to having someone I can share some of the joy with and now will be alone again apart from family but then they can only give a certain kind of love.
Have become completely disheartened with it all. Why am I looking for something that probably doesn't exist and may never will for me? Why is this so hard?