Sexualisation

Anyone see this on the BBC news last night?

A 100-page report into violence against women and girls recommended the publications should be placed on top shelves and not sold to anyone under the age of 15.

Anyone else say "DER"

Now don't get me wrong I am all against violence to women and children as well as the bullying of men by women. But this report has a few glaring flaws in it.

I'm not going to go into the whole parents having access to these filter's and warnings and not bothering to do anything about it on mobiles, gaming and PC's thou there is plenty of ways currently out there for parents to maintain control over what there kids see and play with. But like the idea of them already being "on"

Now this report mainly covers the "lads' mags" and placing them out of the reach of young boys and the news-agents age checking the buyers. Which they should of been doing from the start. But then what do you do with papers like "The Sun" who have naked women in them as well?

Sorry diverting.

Back to subject. Something I want to touch on that this article doesn't have but what the BBC reported last night. There was a couple of interviews with young women and what they see when they look at the depiction of women in these magazines. These magazines effect women as well.

The report said this "drip-drip" exposure was distorting young people's perceptions of themselves, encouraging boys to become fixated on being macho and dominant, while girls in turn presented themselves as sexually available and permissive.

One outcome had been the rise of sexual bullying in which girls felt compelled to post topless or naked pictures on social networks, it added.

BBC report

 As a women myself I can only comment from that side. The report emphasized what I have been feeling for a while. There is a lot of pressure for women (And I am sure men as well) to mimic or become this perfect image as represented in these magazines. Even I have considered posing topless just to feel sexually desirable.

Now I know they are all Photoshopped and airbrushed but even with this knowledge I still feel I need to obtain this perfect look. Even now I am on a pretty severe diet just to lose 7lbs of fat gained over Christmas, and looking in the mirror I severely judge myself, like not having the perfect teeth, my hair isn't golden blonde, I have the odd blemish and it's very demeaning and often have thoughts of forever being alone and living with 50 cats all called "Tiddles". The search for perfection and the pressure of becoming sexually available and losing virginity because these magazines are depicting it's OK, is very destructive.

I know deep down I will never get this perfect look yet still fight to get it. And will this perfect look make me a target for rape and violence, a sexual object or will it make me confident about myself?

Most first impressions made are visual, even in TV shows and films the 'Look at her' attitude is constantly used, and judgements are made on how easy or desperate someone is by there wardrobe of attitude. I don't want to be seen as an object to be judged but it seems that is the only way of attracting someone of the opposite sex.

Secret Virgin

What He Wants.

I was having an interesting discussion which turned into a small argument with a "women" (I use the term loosely) who is a couple of years my junior.

The initial discussion was about how long is it appropriate to wait till you have sex with your partner/date/boy/girl friend. Now this young 'women' said she doesn't bother with dating and if they ask for it she let's them. Her reasoning is that she had given up on love and that men only want one thing and that she will give it to them and that thinking like a man she can get what she wants.

Now she is very immature for her age and her opinion of men is very low. She is also very much a racist and I don't get along with her as she sees everything as one big game and her parents are correct all the time and are very strict. She hasn't been around long enough to get to really know men thinking they are nothing but sex crazed Neanderthal's.

She claims all her 'lovers' liked having sex with her until she had someone who then went behind her back and told his mates she was "like a wooden board". She blamed everything but herself and then got upset when he went behind her back and insulted her.

As I said she is immature and I even tried to explain to her that she had built up a reputation as the local cheap shag and that men in general will talk to there mates about how awful having cheap sex is. Despite that she said she did everything he told her to and even gave him a helping hand in getting erected as he had trouble, not foreplay, according to her it's "disgusting". She also needed a place to sleep.

I then found myself thinking "Why does she do this to herself?", "Why want that reputation?", "Why think sex is only enjoyable for men?". She doesn't even enjoy sex.

As I said she has given up on anything 'real' due to some unfortunate experience. But a bit of a harsh conclusion to come to as to make yourself a toy. This guy that said she was wooden obviously didn't want a limp doll lying there and only moved when he said, he obviously wanted more to enjoy it and still she saw it as his fault.

I want to enjoy myself and obviously enjoy it with him and do want it but don't want to lower myself and turn into this girl. Just doing it because you think it's what he wants seems to demean ourselves back to the 80's where women were expected to do the man's bidding and make women second class citizen's. Even the high class call girls don't completely sub-due themselves, they still have some control. She has become a nothing, and saying she has never experienced love seems to be a poor excuse since no one experiences or finds love till they do.

I spoke to other's and some think she may be lying about her "experiences" as she doesn't seem to know exactly what's going on or the process. Could she be lying yet still thinking "this is what people expect me to say/talk about"

I have had VERY bad dates and have dealt with men who are vile and disgusting but hasn't forced me to give up on myself or men overall.

My Question:
Does bad experience's dictate how you approach sex?

Secret Virgin

It Begins

Where to begin?

I have sat here for a good 10-15 mins wandering how to start. And to be honest I am stuck, but typing away anyway. Might make sense but who knows?

What is this about?

For a while now I have been thinking about my life and where it is I want to be and wandering if my life is progressing the way it should. I was then reminded that I will be 25 soon and still a virgin, and has bought up many questions in my mind. I have taken some advice from my mother and some shaky advice from friends. 

We seem to live in a culture obsessed with "virginity", and I am not sure why. We seem obsessed with losing it and in some cases becomes a competition with your friends in high school. I did have friends who lost there virginity to some questionable men at 16, and have since regretted the experience.

I wanted to open this up and explore what it is to be a virgin and the feelings and reactions I get from being what is considered to be older then "normal". 

What is "normal"?

Has it become such a common place for a young women to lose her virginity at a young age that it becomes "sub-normal" for someone over a certain age?

I feel I am ready and have had missed opportunities to have a relationship due to drunk University nights out. I may of been drunk but still wasn't willing to go home with a man and "do the deed". I was ready but wanted to do it my way.

This is also a way of documenting the good, bad and downright funny experiences that I face as I try to sort out the questions and hurdles of this subject of sex, dating and life.

Religious?

No. But believe in waiting for the right time and man. I'm not going to reel of quotes and stuff, I am in no way that way but understand there are people like that who are free to comment. This is exploring culture as well as sexuality.

Why the Secrecy?

I once had a bad experience.

I told someone in trust that I was a virgin then a little while later she used that knowledge as a weapon against someone else to show how pathetic it was. Another that I trusted then joined in and made it worst. Two seemingly adult women. Yes it was women who did this. Took personal and private information and used it to try and win a fight against an older man who I had been flirting with.

She then started rattling off how much more of a women she was then me because she has had many men. Luckily this didn't turn into an embarrassing moment for me but more for her and this 2nd person and everyone involved were disgusted that they had done this. The main instigator of this fight I have not seen since the second still doesn't think she has done anything wrong and still thinks we are friends despite my refusal to talk to her.

I have wanted to start something like this but afraid these 2 might get some more ammunition. Hence the secrecy  of my identity. It also makes it easier to talk about it openly.

Anything else?

I like chocolate.

Why Valentines Day?

Seemed appropriate. I have never spent a Valentines with a man so seemed like a good idea to start on a love holiday.

I hope this first post was informative enough. I don't plan on posting frequently but post regularly enough.

Yours

Secret Virgin