Cyber Dumped

Well just been well and truly been fucked and not the fun good way I wanted.

Been chatting with a guy for ages on eHarmony. We really connected, we got on well and agreed to meet.

So I said will love to meet and where? A week passed, nothing. Another week nothing. So emailed again asking if he would still like to meet and hope he had a good halloween ect.. Another 2 weeks go by and nothing, luckily gave me a link to his website so had a look and found him on twitter. And them messaged him asking if there was a problem as to why he wasn't getting my emails and would he still like to meet?

He just replied to me and he found someone he met at a wedding the week he emailed me and is no longer looking. Just been hit by a tonne of bricks, and the only way I had to find out was via twitter and he had been stringing me along while he was working on this other girl.

But I don't know why I am upset, I have tears. I never met the guy. Never heard his voice or anything. Yet still feel like I have lost something big and it's confusing the hell out of me. I have even had a cry and I just don't know why.

Maybe this is just a shadow of my life being played again and again like a bad record yet you can't get the tune out of your head. I put myself into something and then nothing comes out of it. It is coming up to Christmas and I was so looking forward to having someone I can share some of the joy with and now will be alone again apart from family but then they can only give a certain kind of love.

Have become completely disheartened with it all. Why am I looking for something that probably doesn't exist and may never will for me? Why is this so hard?

Yours
Secret Virgin

Digital Dating

For regular readers will of read, last entry I was trying to decide if it was worth signing up to eHarmony as I had received a new communication from someone and couldn't respond or see photo's due to me not being a member. Which is complete crock if you ask me and a lot of money but luckily I was offered 3 months for the price of one and after some discussions with my mum decided to go ahead with it.

So been in regular communication with a guy on eHarmony and we have much in common and cute from his photo's. After a couple of weeks of eHarmony mail he asked me last night he enjoyed chatting with me online and would like to meet up for drinks. Which is fair enough and got to give it a go I suppose, and was hoping to meet up with him at some point anyway but didn't want to seem pushy. Now that we are going to sort a time to meet up it seems more real and a bit more scary. All of the men I have dated ended up being stalkers of some description including my very first "boyfriend" and he was the worst of the lot.

Some mixture of excitement and fear right now. But going to plug on with it and hopefully he won't end up hiding outside my apartment.

Yours
Secret Virgin

Communication not so much free

So free communication epic fail.

Saturday I get a notice from eHarmony someone wishes to start eHarmony mail me. Which is basically the final step so this guy jumps steps 1-4 and right into step 5 with me. Great someone with an interest, then another email with an offer of 3 months subscription for the price of one. Even better. (Still over £30 thou)

All of a sudden, Horror! I can't currently see photo's just the profile. What if this guy is very low on the pecking order or handsome? What if he is one very large man who wanks at the computer all day long? Or something like the man in the picture above? But then could be very cute and very sweet.

I think because my past luck with men has been so bad. I seem to stop myself from progressing. I have never had a good date, ever. And this is with guys who would be considered mediocre in looks (apart from that rugby bloke, he was very fine. But that wasn't a date more of sexy, drunk dancing then a quick feel up).

And then again I can be very tight with my money as well. Even £35 for 3 months is a lot of money to put down on something that may never get past the emailing stage. And that's not even the full price. I don't want to seem like a bitch and not reply to him. Like some of the other guys on there I wanted to chat with, got nothing back from them. This offer lasts till Friday, but getting that gut feeling to go ahead and just say 'yes' to myself. And then in 5 mins get that bad feeling.

And a follwer mentioned Pleanty Of fish. Had a look on the UK site and the men on there scared me. Seriously, it did I didn't go past page 1.

Why can't I have a normal job and meet men in the flesh? It's cheaper and burns slightly less carbon.

Yours
Secret Virgin

Free Communication Part 3

All I can say is thank god I didn't sign up over the weekend.

Well the free communication weekend at eHarmony has ended and all I can say is SLOW. I know finding the right person takes time, but really this site was supposed to help speed that up a bit.

As of yesterday I had 53 'matches' all of them either didn't really match my criteria or they were just plain boring, nothing jumped out of me apart from 2 blokes who never responded back. Rejection in it's slightly less hurtful form. eHarmony may of worked for the 2% in America that got married who met via eHarmony it may of worked for, but either these guys just don't bother, mail everyone on there matches list, or simply have the worlds most dullest profiles. And of course if you haven't subscribed you can't see there photo's, so another large disappointment. My profile is still up on the website, but no longer having much of an interest on it, if someone sends a communication request then I can just read the profile and decide if they are worth £20 a month for 3 months.

All in all very disappointed in eHarmony. I know it was only for 4 days and a bit much to ask from them but from the way they advertise on telly I expected a bigger response that what I actually got.

Been thinking about having a go on a free site, but then those on that type of site come across as desperate and uninteresting, and don't really want my inbox flooded with desperate emails pleading to meet, but at least you can see the photo's and not going to get charged for chatting.

Free Communication Expeiment Part 2

Aye!

That's all I can say about it all so far. Today 35 matches in my match box on eHarmony. Out of them all there is one that catches my attention.

As of my entry yesterday there has been 2 more "matches". Yesterday it was 'C' and 'J'. Me and C, an IT Service Desk Operator, shared questions, answers, hates and must haves. Came to a bit of a dead stop after that, interest became a bit lacking and still is somewhat but don't whant to seem like a bitch as I initiated the discussion. Next stage is to send open questions, you can put in your own or choose from a list and allows for more detailed answers. Just trying to decide if it is worth going ahead with step 4 since there is barely 2 days left.

J, a TV producer and about 6 years my senior, has yet to respond to my questons and is funnily enough the one guy I feel I can really connect with. Knowing my luck he will respond after Monday. Typical Man haha.

Yesterday a new guy intiated communication with me. For now we will call him 'I'. Read his profile, nothing in it jumps out at me but give him a benefit of a doubt and responded to his questions and sent him my own. Couple hours later he responds, and a couple of the answers were OK the rest were, well, cautious shall we say. One question I sent was along the lines of what wil you do to cheer me up after a bad day. He had a chioce of 4 answers or write his own he went with write his own and responce was basically 'depends'.

DEPENDS! That sounded half hearted. You contacted me mate put some effort into it. Anyway the answers wenr't exactly thrilling so have not continued to step 2. Oh and I is a civil servant and like his profile a tad boring.

Got more matches today and well could only find one of interest. We will call him 'P', TV Director and a little closer to my age. Profile made me smile and sounded like someone I could connect. Currently waiting for a responce.

On another note if you are considering doing the free communication with eHarmony, the home profile. You have updaes inculding who looks at your profile. Prolem is you can't see who has looked unless once again you subscribe, they just come up as "someone" and again no photo's. There are many disadvantages to this especially, if like me, you are on a tight budget.

The experiement continues.

Yours
Secret Virgin

Free communication experiment part 1

An update since my post yesterday.

Started a communication with one guy. For now we will call him "C" just in case. Anyway we have started the back and fourth that eHarmony offers. eHarmony offer many forms of communication the one I am using with this guy is the basic. Starting off with him asking 5 questions picked from a pre-made list and me answering them and then asking him 5 questions. It's bit like speed dating minus the bell and large amount of alcohol. Now as a non-subscriber to eHarmony at present I can't see photo's. So any minute now I am expecting Cilla Black and her shouting "surprise, surprise".

Logged into my profile to find eHarmony has found me a few more matches. One did really catch my attention. So I made the first move by sending an "icebreaker", first time in a while I am hoping for a responce. Bit excited but could turn to dissapointment knowing me.

Yours
Secret Virgin

Free Communication Experiment

As previously talked about on my blog. I have been considering online dating sites for a while now and missed the last "Free Communication" weekend a few sites had on. Entry can be found here

And starting today and going threw till Monday eHarmony is having a free communication weekend. So after having a look at there prices I thought why not. See what's going down in the online dating world.

Took me 30 mins just to fill in the online 'personality test' and then another 30 mins to fill in the bits and pieces on the profile. During this time one other user looks at my profile before completing and decides he wants communication. GREAT your thinking. But remember it's me we are talking about here.

Profile nicely done up, pictures uploaded despite not being exactly photogenic. So decided to reply to this guys communication. I enter the communication dashboard on eHarmony and has his name age ect and then a button that says Close Match. Now I thought this meant he is a close match based on the  personality test and to click it to continue. Oh no it actually means stop communicating.

I haven't even started properly and I have already cocked up a relationship. I sent a request to re-open via eHarmony but apparently he closed it off as well. So a request has been sent to him on my behalf, but got strange feeling the horse has bolted on that one. So far so good.

After further investigation I then find, despite it being all open a free, you can't view profile pictures till you become a subscriber. So after all that ends up a waist of time. And lets face how many people can afford £15pm just to email. I doubt I will get that many matches.

Still got today and the next 3 days to see if it is actually worth staying on and how many men I can scare off on a time limit.

Will be updating as and when something comes along.

Yours
Secret Virgin

Naughty Knicker Box

I do love a bit of knicker and panty shopping. Nothing like finding that perfect little number that makes a women feel sexy and confident. I hate shoe shopping and would take sexy knicker strolling anytime. And cracking open a new untouched 5 pack of knickers and getting that new smell. Oh yes. May be hard being a women but often worth it.

And the reason for this topic as I sit her with a glass of wine and Phil Collins on the box, today I went out a shopping determined to find a nice bra and some extra knickers. Mainly because one of my old trusted bra's died a heroic death keeping me jiggle free. Not a date night bra, but was faithful to the end and sadly required a replacement. All I wanted was a simple bra. But oh no. I go shopping and come away with a sexy bra and knicker set for £6.

Yup I picked this lovely number but in mid blue. And the knickers round the back near the top have a lace up bit with black ribbon like on the front of the bra. Naturally tried it on when I got home. And I got a 5 pack of knickers for £5. Score.

Now these are so far not my fave set. My fave set which I love is a Breast Cancer support Bra and pants set, 15% going to cancer research. Bright pink, low cut, with white lace and knickers show (creatively of course) in full my rear bumpers. Knickers I do not wear often but the bra I love. It's the only bra that fits perfectly, keeps me perked and absorbs a lot of jiggle and goes great with any tight tee/shirt. I love it.

Now the one bad thing I had today, and I am sure we have all been there. I could not find the right size. Now I am a 32 D and trying to find a nice 32 D bra is like finding a virgin in an orgy. Virtually no one does them apart from Debenhams and maybe M&S. So had to settle for a 34 D, thou fits comfortably round the rib cage.

My own mum has found the perfect bra, yet one wire from one cup is gone but she stills wear it because it is the best she has had in a long time. Aren't we a fickle gender. 

I am hoping for a man to see my sets, thou admittedly I buy for me. But wouldn't say no to purchasing this:

For the right and well behaved little boy wanting a late night treat. That he has earned of course.

Counting the days till I will go out buying again. A few of my bra's are coming to an end shortly, so who knows. I continue to window shop.

Both of the items displayed on the page are from Peacocks

Yours

Secret Virgin

Everyone else Has Had More Sex Than Me

Don't know how many have seen this. I got reminded about it this morning. I saw it years ago but is worth sharing again.

Original video on Albino Blacksheep.com


Enjoy

Yours
Secret Virgin

The Tasteless Chat Up!

Yes we have all had it happen at least once. Your in a bar/club/social event and some guy/girl comes up to you with a chat line they think will get your panties off faster then a hurricane can and you end up getting a line that makes you either laugh or run for the door.

Some bad chat up memories came to light this morning after reading this article from Yahoo! Dating on How to Avoid Flirting Disaster

There are questionable points on there but the point about "Watch What You Say" is the one I am interested in. And I am here today to share my experience in VERY bad chat up lines.

Two big ones come to mind immediately. Both funnily enough were while I was at University.

This one happened on a night out for my Birthday and it was just me and a few mates, me being the only single one. We are in a bar and a guy wanders up with a drink in each hand (Both were for him, he made that clear) very much on the way to being totally wasted. He then learns I am the only single and celebrating my birthday, and then tries to sign me up to the Universities Sports Association and join a club, hoping to get my number that way. I naturally am already a member of the association but the guy was so far gone he kept trying to persuade me.

This may not be a extremely bad chat up, but definitely a weird way of hooking up with someone is getting rat arsed and then try and get them to join a club that you are already a part of. Would of been a funny story if he was sober and didn't shut up.

Bad line 2 is a major OMG moment.

Again in a bar. Large middle-eastern guy walks up to me. Says I am hot, got a great figure, I do something to him ect. Of course my head is saying yeah OK that's not new mate. Anyway next thing he is going on about him and his mates are studying Dentistry at Manchester University, and they are making a film.

SV's Head: ....OK bit wierd but there could be a good explanation behind it like a promo for the department ect....

Him: "I think you would be good in it"

SV's head: ....OK getting weirder....

Him: "You're the type of girl we need"

SV's Head: ....Um.....

Him: "I think you have the 'talent' for it"

SV's Head: ......OK RED ALERT.......

Him: "It will be on the internet, what do you think? Interested?"

Me: Um let me think about it, um got to find a friend, yeah that's it, I think she went that way.
SV's Head: OK were is the nearest exit?

Seriously did he think that chat up would work?!

I don't think I will ever have someone approach me and top that little gem. I know it was a slut's and pimps fancy dress night but didn't think I looked that easy.

Keep to the basics please.

Yours
Secret Virgin

10 Things Men Shouldn't Do In The Delivery Room

Read this on Yahoo! and found it funny and somewhat disturbing that men do some of these things. Read carefully men, good idea not to do any of the following or you will end up in the next ward.

1. Express boredom

Labour can be long, sometimes unfortunately lasting for days. Sighing, looking at your watch, pretending to fall asleep or verbally expressing how bored you are is a definite no-no during any part of labour. Husbands and partners, take note, how ever long labour seems for you, it seems five times longer for your partner. With each hour that passes, your boredom increases, but for her each hour brings more pain, more exhaustion and more frustration as your baby makes its entrance into the world. If you're bored, go for a walk around the block. And remember, you can take time out, she can't. 

2. Sit on your Blackberry/iPhone/Laptop

Sitting and worrying about the meeting you are missing at work, or talking endlessly on your phone is going to annoy everyone, especially your wife who'll be in pain listening to you chatting about strategies and forcasts. Being at your child's birth is a special experience that will probably happen only a few times in your life, so turn your phone off and focus on helping your partner through what is undoubtedly one of the most difficult things she'll ever go through. 

3. Panic

If you're squeamish or don't like blood you need to talk about this before your partner starts labouring. The last thing the midwives need is another patient; you hyperventilating in the corner. Staying calm is going to help your partner's labour, but if she sees you panicking she'll panic herself. If you are finding it too much (it's OK to feel this by the way) go for a quick stroll outside, get some fresh air and a cup of tea, rather than sweating it out. 

4. Flirt with the midwives

Just so wrong in every way. Even joke flirting isn't going to cut it. Midwives are there to make sure that your partner and baby enter the world as safely as possible. They are often understaffed and have worked an all-night shift. The last thing they need is you and your one-liners. 

5. Look disgusted, or worse, retch

Labour isn't pretty. There's blood and gunk and sometimes poo. Looking disgusted or verbalising how grossed out you are is absolutely not on. Nor is telling your partner off for grunting or screaming. (Believe me, a woman in labour CANNOT control the sounds that come out of her mouth).

6. Get annoyed with her

The midwives are telling her to push, you're telling her to push, the tea lady is telling her to push… if she isn't doing what is being asked, it's not because she's trying to be clever, or lazy or indolent, she's exhausted. Even her eyelashes are tired. Give her a break and try to understand what she is feeling; having a go at her isn't going to speed labour up. 

7. Say inappropriate things

Like, 'can you put an extra stitch in', whilst she's being stitched up following an episiotomy. Or 'I can see the head… only joking, I can't see anything but xxx'. The labour ward isn't really the time for your stand up comedy routine.

8. Think you know better

Unless you are absolutely convinced it's in your partner's best interests, don't argue with the midwives or your partner. They've seen millions of babies being born and most of the time they DO know best, so respect their opinions and try not to play doctor. 

9. Not turn up

Unless you've discussed it with your partner and it's been decided another birth partner would be more suitable than you, (her mum or sister for example) this really is a drop-everything situation. Even if this is your big presentation moment at work, or your team makes the FA Cup Final, if your partner needs you at the birth, be there. 

10. Making the 'birth film'

Unless your partner has specifically requested your videoing skills, don't try to make your directorial debut with the birth video. Trying to get a good shot will probably mean you are in everyone's way whilst your baby is being delivered, not to mention that you'll miss the actual moment by being stuck behind a camera. Your partner will be in no position to argue with you about what you are filming, and she's not only at a very vulnerable point in her life, she's also bright red in the face, exhausted, she's likely to have been up for 24 hours and not wearing many clothes. She could well be grunting or screaming. Would you want to be filmed like this? Having said that, there is nothing wrong with filming at a few carefully chosen (calm) moments away from the action and if you do film the actual moment of birth, do not (and I repeat) DO NOT show it to anyone else. This is for the two of you to enjoy, not your office, or for Grandparents, or saved for your new baby's 18th birthday. 

Source

Yours 

Secret Virgin

Dashboard problems

Something has been bought to my attention. Apprently some can't access the blog via the blogger dashboard. If you are having this issue, unfollow and then follow again it should correct the issue - http://secretvirgindiaries.blogspot.com/

New followers shouldn't have this issue.

Technology hey. Can't live it or without it. Bit like sex.

Yours

Secret Virgin

Social Virgin Networking

Considering in creating a twitter and/or facebook account to tie in with the blog. Maybe reach a few more people. Don't know, I already have official accounts elsewhere for other reasons like business ect.

Will have to consider. Hmmmmmm.

Yours

Secret Virgin

Holiday of Banks

What is it about parks that make people horny as hell?

Seriously!?

So walking in Hyde Park (alone). Nice day in London and everything and things are hot in more then one sense.

Heading towards the serpentine enjoying the scenery and a scene that you would normally see in an Attenborough documentary on the gorilla's of the Amazon and the mating habits. Male lies down, female swings a leg over him and has him pinned in a gorilla leg grip and tongue out like a scene from an Alien film. I was half expecting Attenborough with a film crew in one bush (no pun intended) and James Cameron in another bush filming a new Alien film.

Anyway still wandering on. Alone. I stop for a break down by the Peter Pan Statue. (Yes it's Kensington garden not Hyde Park, just one big park for heavens sake) A couple arrive and find the nearest tree to me, she pretty young red head, him mediocre middle eastern gentlemen. They start tongue wrestling up against a tree, that's fine with me not afraid to see a couple kiss, but then the scene is ruined with him taking a plunge into his track suit bottoms. She can do better.

Heading back up towards Marble Arch Tube station. Walk past a tree with a rich green, thick, leafy branch which is low to the ground and legs.

Wait! What?

Yes this tree had a set of naked legs that were in a position that any frequent porn fan would recognize and then it grew a pair of legs with jeans on. And then there were some huffing and puffing so moved on, didn't want to be part of any new nature documentary that may be being filmed.

So went on home alone.

OK Universe I get the point. Park sex is now on my list of things to do.

Yours
Secret Virgin

"Free" Communication Weekend

So if anyone is reading this blog/diary regularly, you would know I have been considering signing up to a couple of online dating sites.

I saw an advert today (typical) from eHarmony on a free communication weekend, so you can sign up and communicate for free instead of paying for 4 days. Now I missed this 4 day event so have yet to sign up. But got me wandering which is best paying to find someone or going with free sites?

I understand eHarmony has had a good track record in the US and now over here, but one free site I found has also had a pretty good track record. With the recession and everything everyone is watching the wallet a little more then usual, and I am not excluded. But I have noticed a strange thing.

Now check out Date London and do a simple search for your ideal partner.

Not bad huh? all down to earth, reasonably cute. There is the odd black sheep on each page but most of these results are pretty good, you even have a "compatibility" meter for your searches (when you sign up of course).

Now take a look at Snog London.

Hmm right? Don't know about you but that is the site to find the more questionable character.

I have been reluctant to sign up for anything right now but it is getting more and more tempting as life goes on just to slap out a profile.

I might give one of these "free" communication offers up for the 4 days just to see what sort of response (if any) I get. Will of course report back.

Yours
Secret Virgin

Job opening for boyfriend.

A Position has opened in London for a position of boyfriend/lover/arm candy for horny mid-twenties virgin female.

Aged between 25 and 35 and lives in the London area, you must be well presented and take care of yourself.

Must be Tall, sporty.

Min. of 5 hours per week.

Must have good sense of humor.

Enjoy going out to the pub, cinema, walk in the park, parties, nights on the sofa with wine and cheesy movie (no chick flicks like Sex and the City)

Qualifications needed: Ability to show a girl a good time.

Calm, patient and may be willing to take things slow (or fast) to deal with in-experienced lover.

Ability to vanquish spiders is a must.

Benefits: 1 Bouncy,outgoing brunette, with a fine rack to enjoy

Easy access to a football stadium

A good regular groping session

Free beer.

Previous applications which showed the following failed to pass stage one of the application process.

Do not apply if all you do is sit down on a date and explain, in detail, the reasons why Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the best thing since sliced bread, the continuity errors in Star Trek or a presentation with step by step points as to why Original Battlestar Galatica is better then Remake Battlestar Galatica. Or bore me silly in any other way on one subject.

Applicants must apply via flying pig and arrive at date in a Chippendale outfit holding a large box of chocolate fudge brownies.

Secret Virgin

How to Lose your Virginty

Sorry folks internet at new place has gone tits up and trying to sort it. So nice back log of emails from people to read.

As an avid fan, reader and taken part in a article the fun people at The American Virgin have released a trailer for there up coming documentary "How to Lose your Virginity"

Our new trailer! "How To Lose Your Virginity" from Trixie Films on Vimeo.

Check it out. They were raising money but as I said it was part of my back log on emails to read so missed it and they have now reached there funds so good for them. Check out the following links.

The American Virgin Blog

Official Website

Secret Virgin Interview

Yours

Secret Virgin

Droopage?

According to the Sex Education show which I watched recently, Women start 'drooping' at 30.

Think I better get my skates on.

Yours
Secret Virgin

Taking the First Step

Went to check up on my new apartment today and took my parents along for advice.

On the train journey home there was a very cute guy sitting opposite me Bit like David Tennant but with a smaller face and a bit shorter. I did on a couple of attempts to catch his eye with not much success and seem a bit difficult with parents there.

On the rare occasion that I had a "partner" I was always approached and never the other way round. So I have very little idea on how to approach someone I liked, never taken the first step in a relationship. Does it make a difference?

I have been rejected many times threw out my life so I tend to let someone make the big steps forward and I just either agree or disagree. A few missed opportunities but didn't think they were opportunities till it was too late.

Maybe that's what's wrong. You would think a string of rejections add another one it wouldn't make a difference but to me it does.

As it was very hot I wore a very tight fitting a dress and when I bent over it didn't leave much to the imagination on the top regions. But he seem to go out of his way not to look at me directly, having the folks there put him off a bit.

I am waiting for something but don't know what. Once I get going I am myself. Why can't I take that first step?

Yours
Secret Virgin

The Dark Side of Birth Control

I have recently been sent an email from Kelly Davis who has sent me a link from a website called The Health Crazies. It's a very interesting article about birth control i.e. the pill. Which marks it's 50th anniversary in the States this year.

I'm not currently on any type of birth control, thou some concerned family members of mine want me to see the Doctor about my period and think it's a good idea to go on the pill to help control it. I have naturally thought about it and still continue to do so, but have heard some bad side affects to the pill, like severe headaches and in some rare cases has been known to be a contributor to Cervical cancer.

There are many other forms of birth control including new methods an injection you get every 3 months and also an implant in the arm, which needs to be surgically removed if you want to have a baby. I like the injection idea but then I don't think I will natural without a period as it has been driven into me that no period means something bad (or good if you want to get pregnant).

Once I start having sex will obviously will have to really make a serious decision as to the right course of action as a condom isn't 100%. But then the emergency morning after pill is available and again not 100% so probably better off with a combination of birth control and protection.

Take a look and read the article about Birth Control. It's very informative wither you are on the pill or not.

The Dark Side of Birth Control: 17 Adverse Health Effects

Yours
Secret Virgin

A Little "May" Time - Part III

It's the last day of May and so comes the end (pun not intended there) of National Masturbation Month. I of course celebrated with a little me time this morning and was very good today, thou don't think I did anything different apart from it took me a little longer to get going then usual.

During my many years of virginal self love I have come across a couple of sites of great interest and based on this topic, mainly around female masturbation but some handy tips for anyone looking or seeking some pleasure alone or getting to know your partner better as well as the usual safety tips and advice that goes along with any type of intercourse.

Scarleteen

The Clitoris.com

Got a lot of ideas from this site. First place that explained masturbating standing up, which I have done a couple of times, but lie down more often. Also very informative about the female genitalia.

Yours
Secret Virgin

Condoms 'too big'?

Oh dear. Won't be going to India anytime soon.

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms.

It has led to a call for condoms of mixed sizes to be made more widely available in India.

The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research.

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre.

The scientists even checked their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion and urban and rural dwellers.

The conclusion of all this scientific endeavour is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.  

BBC Report

Oh dear poor Indian women. Let's hope these men have technique and stamina. ;)


Yours
Secret Virgin

A Little "May" Time - Part II

With the stress of finding a home I let off a bit of steam.

But then I got to thinking. I have never managed to get any vaginal climaxing when masturbating. I tried twice and first off felt un-comfy and didn't go in to far and second even when aroused I still couldn't get the finale. I seem to be more of a clitoral masturbator as I get more of a feeling and relief that way.

Now as a virgin I have no way of comparing or really know what it is to have a penis inserted, but I have began wandering if when it comes down to it really enjoy it because I am not getting the stimulation or get to the finish line.

I am worried I am going to become really disappointed and then wonder why I waited so long for 3 mins of heavy breathing.

Understandably I have read a few women don't get to that stage at all. Just seems pointless.

But on the other hand I did insert my finger slightly coming to climax and did feel 'good' ish. But then again it's a waste to sit there waiting for it.

Yours
Secret Virgin

A Little "May" Time

Did you know May is the National Masturbation Month? You do now. Only found out a couple of days ago myself.

Now more widely accepted as the "norm" to masturbate regularly seems more folk are willing to experiment as much as they would with a sexual partner of some description and many people sharing them with other's. I have even read that is seen as "Real Sex" and perfectly healthy.

I have been masturbating since mid-puberty and when Sex Education was due in the classroom. I had spent many years wandering what sex is like and always had that tingling sensation but never took action on it for a long time. Till one night I grabbed a pillow and that was it. Thou seemed very shameful and embarrassed about it at the time, thou determined to prove to myself that I was sexually active and hopefully attractive.

Naturally things developed further and the pillow was dumped (Thou still have the one off when in the mood) and turned to massage. Enjoying it more and experiencing more powerful orgasm.

I have always believed that masturbation was the best way to work out what turned me on, what points worked, what position I liked. I think I have become an expert of my own sexual pleasure but of course when I actually get to do it will probably be a different experience.

Yours
Secret Virgin

Cyber-Love

For a long time now I have always thought of online dating sites as the last desperate attempt for people. Or just for those wanting to get there leg over. But recently I have been rethinking.

I know of several people who have been onto these websites or found someone threw the internet and successfully found someone to have a relationship with, some are even engaged now. But that feel of desperation still haunts me.

I was given a novel for my birthday, and in it is an example of someone desperately looking for love, tried everything including dating sites and now in the lonely hearts column in the paper and getting the most weird folks answering. Now the character is very trusting but this role, but the online dating and lonely hearts ads still carry that scar of desperation and if they really are what they say on there advert.

Now that I am moving to a new area I have been considering a dating/friend site that I found for the area. But still unsure if this will be worth meeting strange people for friendship and possibly something more if it goes well. But would make an interesting experiment and for blogging.

Problem I am not the most out going person when I meet new people for the first time. Maybe this could be a way to break that. Who knows, maybe even speed dating.

Yours
Secret Virgin

A new start

I feel like a new start is coming on. Looks like I am almost set to move to a new location and start a new chapter in my life.

Hopefully this will mean a new job as well as hopefully some sort of love life. I am going to be living in a much more sociable area then I am now. Yet this nagging feeling of remaining alone in the world still hangs there.

I think I might start up a step by step guide for myself for getting out and about and meeting more people.

Yours
Secret Virgin

The Science of Pulling

We all know pulling is an important part of attracting someone. Biology takes over and you are at the mercy of your emotions. But what is the best way to attract the man we want, what makes them attracted to us? Found this very interesting article.

Lust isn’t an art, it’s pure science. When you fancy a bloke, your rational mind is turned upside down by a crazy mix of hormones, subconscious psychology, chemistry and down n’ dirty biology. If he fancies you back, the result can be more explosive than anything you saw in the school science lab.

The good news is that you don’t need a biology degree, or even a bunsen burner, to master the appliance of man-pulling science. All you need is our cheat sheet. Let the lesson begin.

MSN Dating

I recommend the read, there's stuff in there that I didn't know about. Well I knew about the ovulation point. Here are there main points on pulling.

1. Win the Dating survival of he fittest.
Evolution hasn't changed much when it comes to sex. We still fight for that Alpha male, get ready to get them claws out girls.

Hot Tip from MSN Dating:

How to work it: Keep yourself in shape. And by “in shape” we mean healthy – skinny minnies may get the modelling jobs, but men are biologically primed to prefer women with well-toned flesh on her bones.

This is promising for me. Now I am slender but not thin, I exercise regularly when I can. Thou still working off that 7lb from Christmas.

2. Unleash you Pheromones 
Love at first Sniff? Seems to be

Tip from MSN Dating

How to work it: You can’t change your pheromones, but you can ensure that they’re picked up by potential lovers. Avoid smothering your natural pheromones with perfume, stinky food or BO.

3. Look Lippy
Thanks goodness for limp plumping technology in lip sticks. I also read somewhere that red lippy attracts best as it shows you are primed.

Tip from MSN Dating

How to work it: Forget about surgery – that makes your lips look “done”, not plump. The secret is lashings of lip balm, and lipstick with reddish shades.  

4. Face Facts
Yeah like I'm going to walk into a salon with a calculator and work out my best hair style. Thou well kept hair is going to get you more looks then a bee hive. Which reminds me need a haircut.

MSN Dating tip

How to work it: Get a haircut. Don’t take it from us, take it from the study’s author, Professor Kang Lee: "Our study explains why sometimes an attractive person looks unattractive or vice versa after a haircut, because hairdos change the ratios.” So take a calculator to the salon. Which reminds us…

5. Don't have a best side. 
That's OK I don't have one. Apparently symmetry is important when we go prowling for love.

MSN Dating Tip:

How to work it: Take a spirit level to the salon along with that calculator, and avoid experimenting with 80s asymmetrical hairdos.

Hands up who takes a spirit level with them to that salon?

6. Know your Cycle
I have just finished a cycle and boy was I horny as hell.

MSN Dating Tip

How to work it: Get an ovulation thermometer. When you’re hot, hit the town and work those ovaries.

7. Nip Your Waist  
I have always tried to accentuate my hips, waste and boobs when dressing as I do have a slight hourglass figure. It's finding the write stuff.

MSN Dating tip

How to work it: See it as an excuse to go nuts in Top Shop. This year’s dress shape is a pared-down prom look: nipped-in waists and flouncy hips. Alternatively, buy some Spanx.

8. Ignore the Beer Gogglers
Now this did surprise me a little. But thinking about alcohol does make you more prone to do something stupid then actually fall in love.

MSN Dating Tip

What to do: Spike his beer with tap water.

9. Mirror Mirror 
Being subtle always seems to work best. I think I need more refinement.

MSN Dating Tip

How to work it: Make a man feel instinctively feel connected to you by subtly mirroring his moves. We won’t suggest aping his dress style to help you look alike, because that’s what stalkers do.

10. Bewitch him with your eyes 
I have always wanted show stopping eyes but they tend to be hidden behind glasses. Maybe a new style is in order?

MSN Dating Tip

How to work it: Hold his eye for a second or two longer than you’d naturally find comfortable. Watch him tingle.

11. Avoid Dad-Dancers 
I always do, nothing less attractive then someone trying to compensate with over the top dancing.

MSN Dating Tip

How to work it: Take dance classes. Get off with the teacher.

A lot of these tips I found helpful but with most of them I have found myself doing. I often wonder if something has been left out.

Yours
Secret Virgin

How to Kiss for the First Time

Funny video I found on "How to Kiss for the First Time" thou the title is very misleading. It doesn't actually tell you how to kiss.

Highly useless but somewhat funny.

Sorry they disabled the embedding link so has to be URL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkQdI0AxxOI

Yours
Secret Virgin

Friends First

I have always been interested in how couples got together. A few have started out as brief encounters at bars and clubs, some chance encounters in the supermarket, a few good relationships I know started online, and then there is the friends first.

This is an idea I like. I am someone who doesn't trust someone immediately after I first meet them. But then with past experience with trusting someone I shouldn't have and the fear of letting myself be me and putting/scaring someone off doesn't really help that either. I also think I am a bit too choosy when it comes to men, I know I need to relax a bit if I am going to get anywhere at all.

I know I am not a striking women compared to my mates especially my face. I have a relatively nice/fit body that some women would kill to have and have made several hairdresser's jealous about my hair. Mainly colour I was told that my natural colour is a very commonly requested colour in salons which boosted my confidence so I take great care of it. I know my looks probably won't get me 2nd glances from men so I tend to rely on my personality and wit to charm someone for the majority. Thou there has been the rare approach in clubs from someone, but as I said that's rare and they are probably drunk.

This idea of friends first has great appeal, thou seems like a slow process. Which as a Virgin is probably a good thing. But then I have longed for passion, the sudden urge to have someone to hold, kiss, caress and feel. To be felt wanted, needed and loved at that moment in time. To just let myself go since I have been holding back for so long and be in the moment and really discover what I am all about.

I know sex is not the be end of a relationship and that friendship is an important part of it. But it's still has a large role to play and can't be something to take on lightly. You have to be happy with someone who you know has some understanding of what you are as a person.

But to get that moment with someone, and to let myself go is something I want very much. A rare moment to find.

Yours

Secret Virgin

Secret Virgin Interview

I was approached a couple of days back from the writer of The American Virgin blog and asked to do an interview for one of there regular features called "First Person".

Check out the interview here

Check out there blog here

Yours
Secret Virgin

Moody Depression

My mood is as dull as the weather today.

I went out for my daily exercise and the world just seemed dull. There was colour but seemed somewhat desaturated. I have once again entered into one of those days where I enter into a spiral of sadness and re-evaluate my life.

I exited from the house with multiple thoughts in my head. What's wrong with me? Why do other's assume I am not doing something because nothing has happened? Why am I not where I want to be in life? Why does the horizon seem close yet finds a way to escape me?

I know my life right now is very chaotic, what with struggling for work (freelance) and finding a new house. But I still feel stuck in a hole while the world continues to move. I am also fed up and angry and the constant "Something will come along soon", "Don't worry" bull crap that everyone keeps throwing at me. Soon has come and gone, the pity party is getting depressing and does not help my mood.

Threw out my university life I managed to convince myself that the reason I don't have a boyfriend/steady relationship is because I was too caught up in my studies. Now I convinced myself that the reason I am still alone is because my life is still not right and once I move things will happen. Well today I have rethought that. Did I come up with this to convince myself or to others? Am I still a virgin because I come up with these excuses not to be with someone, or as a fog to hide how unattractive men seem to find me?

What I do is very demanding and many in that field are alone because they are so career driven or are in a job that don't sit in the 9-5 routine. I like it like that, I don't like keeping to certain hours I like the unpredictable side of it. But with things being tough I have also questioned myself "Am I good enough?" I have even looked at what I have done and said "That is shit why am I doing this?". Nothing else excites me.

Is this why I am a virgin still? Because I don't see myself as being good enough? Or too caught up in work that I don't want to make a commitment? Or is it the fear of the grass not being greener on the other side?

I get angry at others, I get angry and put myself in a dark place, some days there is light but still in this dark hole of anger and sadness. Often this anger leads to action.

Something has to be done.

Yours
Secret Virgin

No Babies for Roger

Funny yet somewhat disturbing.



I have no idea what contraceptive device that is but looks scary. LOL

Got to love Roger.

Secret Virgin

Sexualisation

Anyone see this on the BBC news last night?

A 100-page report into violence against women and girls recommended the publications should be placed on top shelves and not sold to anyone under the age of 15.

Anyone else say "DER"

Now don't get me wrong I am all against violence to women and children as well as the bullying of men by women. But this report has a few glaring flaws in it.

I'm not going to go into the whole parents having access to these filter's and warnings and not bothering to do anything about it on mobiles, gaming and PC's thou there is plenty of ways currently out there for parents to maintain control over what there kids see and play with. But like the idea of them already being "on"

Now this report mainly covers the "lads' mags" and placing them out of the reach of young boys and the news-agents age checking the buyers. Which they should of been doing from the start. But then what do you do with papers like "The Sun" who have naked women in them as well?

Sorry diverting.

Back to subject. Something I want to touch on that this article doesn't have but what the BBC reported last night. There was a couple of interviews with young women and what they see when they look at the depiction of women in these magazines. These magazines effect women as well.

The report said this "drip-drip" exposure was distorting young people's perceptions of themselves, encouraging boys to become fixated on being macho and dominant, while girls in turn presented themselves as sexually available and permissive.

One outcome had been the rise of sexual bullying in which girls felt compelled to post topless or naked pictures on social networks, it added.

BBC report

 As a women myself I can only comment from that side. The report emphasized what I have been feeling for a while. There is a lot of pressure for women (And I am sure men as well) to mimic or become this perfect image as represented in these magazines. Even I have considered posing topless just to feel sexually desirable.

Now I know they are all Photoshopped and airbrushed but even with this knowledge I still feel I need to obtain this perfect look. Even now I am on a pretty severe diet just to lose 7lbs of fat gained over Christmas, and looking in the mirror I severely judge myself, like not having the perfect teeth, my hair isn't golden blonde, I have the odd blemish and it's very demeaning and often have thoughts of forever being alone and living with 50 cats all called "Tiddles". The search for perfection and the pressure of becoming sexually available and losing virginity because these magazines are depicting it's OK, is very destructive.

I know deep down I will never get this perfect look yet still fight to get it. And will this perfect look make me a target for rape and violence, a sexual object or will it make me confident about myself?

Most first impressions made are visual, even in TV shows and films the 'Look at her' attitude is constantly used, and judgements are made on how easy or desperate someone is by there wardrobe of attitude. I don't want to be seen as an object to be judged but it seems that is the only way of attracting someone of the opposite sex.

Secret Virgin

What He Wants.

I was having an interesting discussion which turned into a small argument with a "women" (I use the term loosely) who is a couple of years my junior.

The initial discussion was about how long is it appropriate to wait till you have sex with your partner/date/boy/girl friend. Now this young 'women' said she doesn't bother with dating and if they ask for it she let's them. Her reasoning is that she had given up on love and that men only want one thing and that she will give it to them and that thinking like a man she can get what she wants.

Now she is very immature for her age and her opinion of men is very low. She is also very much a racist and I don't get along with her as she sees everything as one big game and her parents are correct all the time and are very strict. She hasn't been around long enough to get to really know men thinking they are nothing but sex crazed Neanderthal's.

She claims all her 'lovers' liked having sex with her until she had someone who then went behind her back and told his mates she was "like a wooden board". She blamed everything but herself and then got upset when he went behind her back and insulted her.

As I said she is immature and I even tried to explain to her that she had built up a reputation as the local cheap shag and that men in general will talk to there mates about how awful having cheap sex is. Despite that she said she did everything he told her to and even gave him a helping hand in getting erected as he had trouble, not foreplay, according to her it's "disgusting". She also needed a place to sleep.

I then found myself thinking "Why does she do this to herself?", "Why want that reputation?", "Why think sex is only enjoyable for men?". She doesn't even enjoy sex.

As I said she has given up on anything 'real' due to some unfortunate experience. But a bit of a harsh conclusion to come to as to make yourself a toy. This guy that said she was wooden obviously didn't want a limp doll lying there and only moved when he said, he obviously wanted more to enjoy it and still she saw it as his fault.

I want to enjoy myself and obviously enjoy it with him and do want it but don't want to lower myself and turn into this girl. Just doing it because you think it's what he wants seems to demean ourselves back to the 80's where women were expected to do the man's bidding and make women second class citizen's. Even the high class call girls don't completely sub-due themselves, they still have some control. She has become a nothing, and saying she has never experienced love seems to be a poor excuse since no one experiences or finds love till they do.

I spoke to other's and some think she may be lying about her "experiences" as she doesn't seem to know exactly what's going on or the process. Could she be lying yet still thinking "this is what people expect me to say/talk about"

I have had VERY bad dates and have dealt with men who are vile and disgusting but hasn't forced me to give up on myself or men overall.

My Question:
Does bad experience's dictate how you approach sex?

Secret Virgin

It Begins

Where to begin?

I have sat here for a good 10-15 mins wandering how to start. And to be honest I am stuck, but typing away anyway. Might make sense but who knows?

What is this about?

For a while now I have been thinking about my life and where it is I want to be and wandering if my life is progressing the way it should. I was then reminded that I will be 25 soon and still a virgin, and has bought up many questions in my mind. I have taken some advice from my mother and some shaky advice from friends. 

We seem to live in a culture obsessed with "virginity", and I am not sure why. We seem obsessed with losing it and in some cases becomes a competition with your friends in high school. I did have friends who lost there virginity to some questionable men at 16, and have since regretted the experience.

I wanted to open this up and explore what it is to be a virgin and the feelings and reactions I get from being what is considered to be older then "normal". 

What is "normal"?

Has it become such a common place for a young women to lose her virginity at a young age that it becomes "sub-normal" for someone over a certain age?

I feel I am ready and have had missed opportunities to have a relationship due to drunk University nights out. I may of been drunk but still wasn't willing to go home with a man and "do the deed". I was ready but wanted to do it my way.

This is also a way of documenting the good, bad and downright funny experiences that I face as I try to sort out the questions and hurdles of this subject of sex, dating and life.

Religious?

No. But believe in waiting for the right time and man. I'm not going to reel of quotes and stuff, I am in no way that way but understand there are people like that who are free to comment. This is exploring culture as well as sexuality.

Why the Secrecy?

I once had a bad experience.

I told someone in trust that I was a virgin then a little while later she used that knowledge as a weapon against someone else to show how pathetic it was. Another that I trusted then joined in and made it worst. Two seemingly adult women. Yes it was women who did this. Took personal and private information and used it to try and win a fight against an older man who I had been flirting with.

She then started rattling off how much more of a women she was then me because she has had many men. Luckily this didn't turn into an embarrassing moment for me but more for her and this 2nd person and everyone involved were disgusted that they had done this. The main instigator of this fight I have not seen since the second still doesn't think she has done anything wrong and still thinks we are friends despite my refusal to talk to her.

I have wanted to start something like this but afraid these 2 might get some more ammunition. Hence the secrecy  of my identity. It also makes it easier to talk about it openly.

Anything else?

I like chocolate.

Why Valentines Day?

Seemed appropriate. I have never spent a Valentines with a man so seemed like a good idea to start on a love holiday.

I hope this first post was informative enough. I don't plan on posting frequently but post regularly enough.

Yours

Secret Virgin