Holiday of Banks

What is it about parks that make people horny as hell?

Seriously!?

So walking in Hyde Park (alone). Nice day in London and everything and things are hot in more then one sense.

Heading towards the serpentine enjoying the scenery and a scene that you would normally see in an Attenborough documentary on the gorilla's of the Amazon and the mating habits. Male lies down, female swings a leg over him and has him pinned in a gorilla leg grip and tongue out like a scene from an Alien film. I was half expecting Attenborough with a film crew in one bush (no pun intended) and James Cameron in another bush filming a new Alien film.

Anyway still wandering on. Alone. I stop for a break down by the Peter Pan Statue. (Yes it's Kensington garden not Hyde Park, just one big park for heavens sake) A couple arrive and find the nearest tree to me, she pretty young red head, him mediocre middle eastern gentlemen. They start tongue wrestling up against a tree, that's fine with me not afraid to see a couple kiss, but then the scene is ruined with him taking a plunge into his track suit bottoms. She can do better.

Heading back up towards Marble Arch Tube station. Walk past a tree with a rich green, thick, leafy branch which is low to the ground and legs.

Wait! What?

Yes this tree had a set of naked legs that were in a position that any frequent porn fan would recognize and then it grew a pair of legs with jeans on. And then there were some huffing and puffing so moved on, didn't want to be part of any new nature documentary that may be being filmed.

So went on home alone.

OK Universe I get the point. Park sex is now on my list of things to do.

Yours
Secret Virgin

"Free" Communication Weekend

So if anyone is reading this blog/diary regularly, you would know I have been considering signing up to a couple of online dating sites.

I saw an advert today (typical) from eHarmony on a free communication weekend, so you can sign up and communicate for free instead of paying for 4 days. Now I missed this 4 day event so have yet to sign up. But got me wandering which is best paying to find someone or going with free sites?

I understand eHarmony has had a good track record in the US and now over here, but one free site I found has also had a pretty good track record. With the recession and everything everyone is watching the wallet a little more then usual, and I am not excluded. But I have noticed a strange thing.

Now check out Date London and do a simple search for your ideal partner.

Not bad huh? all down to earth, reasonably cute. There is the odd black sheep on each page but most of these results are pretty good, you even have a "compatibility" meter for your searches (when you sign up of course).

Now take a look at Snog London.

Hmm right? Don't know about you but that is the site to find the more questionable character.

I have been reluctant to sign up for anything right now but it is getting more and more tempting as life goes on just to slap out a profile.

I might give one of these "free" communication offers up for the 4 days just to see what sort of response (if any) I get. Will of course report back.

Yours
Secret Virgin

Job opening for boyfriend.

A Position has opened in London for a position of boyfriend/lover/arm candy for horny mid-twenties virgin female.

Aged between 25 and 35 and lives in the London area, you must be well presented and take care of yourself.

Must be Tall, sporty.

Min. of 5 hours per week.

Must have good sense of humor.

Enjoy going out to the pub, cinema, walk in the park, parties, nights on the sofa with wine and cheesy movie (no chick flicks like Sex and the City)

Qualifications needed: Ability to show a girl a good time.

Calm, patient and may be willing to take things slow (or fast) to deal with in-experienced lover.

Ability to vanquish spiders is a must.

Benefits: 1 Bouncy,outgoing brunette, with a fine rack to enjoy

Easy access to a football stadium

A good regular groping session

Free beer.

Previous applications which showed the following failed to pass stage one of the application process.

Do not apply if all you do is sit down on a date and explain, in detail, the reasons why Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the best thing since sliced bread, the continuity errors in Star Trek or a presentation with step by step points as to why Original Battlestar Galatica is better then Remake Battlestar Galatica. Or bore me silly in any other way on one subject.

Applicants must apply via flying pig and arrive at date in a Chippendale outfit holding a large box of chocolate fudge brownies.

Secret Virgin